Well Hello There

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I stand before you a completely different person than I was when I last wrote. I'm overweight and unmotivated. I'm no longer a full time employee and am now a part-time employee and a full-time mom. Last June I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl this world has ever seen. (There is a good chance that I'm biased.) I struggled with my pregnancy. I wasn't expecting the appetite that I developed and with an early warning of hypertension, I was on modified bed rest for over 12 weeks and unable to workout. I gained weight. A lot of weight. But I also gained one of these, meet Isla:

Since the birth of my daughter I've had a hard time motivating myself again. I'm often tired at the end of my day and have no desire to workout. Having both hands frequently full, I've not made the effort to prepare healthy meals for my family. There is no room in the budget for a new pair of shoes for each 10 lbs lost and when I finally get to see my husband at the end of the day, I want to spend time with him, not leave him at home with the baby and head off to the gym.

The first time I lost weight, it was like I flipped a switch. I made the decision to be healthier and I did it. I put in the work and the time. I wanted it and I wanted it more than I wanted pizza. This time, I'm having a hard time flipping that switch again. Last time I spent time reading several weight loss blogs and I weened a great deal of motivation from them. I also motivated myself by writing my own blog. I'm committing again to both read and write weight loss blog posts. I need a constant reminder of why I'm trying to be healthy. I will create that perfect weight loss storm again.

A few things you should know about me now:

-No, I'm not breastfeeding. Yes, I know it is the best choice for my daughter and I worked very hard to try to be able to breastfeed. However, after a difficult deliver, hours of pumping, and several meetings with lactation consultants, I had to come to the conclusion that I would not be able to breastfeed this child of mine. No need to judge me on this one.

-I am a stay-at-home mom 5 days of the week. I'm not financially able to stay at home full time so I have arranged my schedule so that I go into the office twice a week for a 10 hour day.

-I currently weigh 245 lbs.

-I'm dealing with a colic-y baby and a touch of postpartum depression.


Becky said...

Welcome back!!! Your little girl is GORGEOUS!!

Reading blogs always helps me get my motivation back. Just posting again is a step in the right direction!

Callie @ The Wannabe Athlete said...

First of all, she is gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. Second of all, you amaze me. I absolutely cannot imagine being both a stay-at-home mom AND working as much as you do. And third, the baby weight isn't exactly falling off me either. It's not quite as easy when you're juggling work, a baby and a marriage! Thanks for being so open - makes me feel like I'm not alone!

Just Jay said...

She's beautiful!. . . .And YOU are beautiful to for being so open and honest about what you are going through right now!

Lara said...

Glad you are back! remember life isnt about being in one set mode, life is about change and how you adapt to each situation. Love ya gir!

Plump Nonfiction said...

Babies are wonderful (I've had 2 myself)... but do not lose yourself in the process. I gave and gave and gave more of myself to my babies and everything else in my life than I could handle and it took me into a dark place. I had a mental breakdown. You need to be able to take care of your baby as well as yourself. I never did and even though I was a good mom... I wasn't good to myself. I know how hard it is to flip that switch. You can do it and there will always be people here to help you.

Your baby is beautiful... take care of her and of course... take care of you :-)

beccalev said...

The good news is, you know the "switch" exists...and that's a lot more than a lot of us do! For whatever it is worth, YOUR blog helped to motivate ME to write MY blog!! And from the looks of the other comments, you have a great support system out here in cyberspace...Having had three babies myself (all three c-sections) and with the youngest of them now being 9 years old, I am here to tell you it can be done. But I totally agree with the commenter above in that you CANNOT lose yourself. Even now, with the children's schedules and demands being at an all time high, I will tell you that my gym time IS my time (sometimes, my ONLY time) for me...You leave it all outside the door of the Spin Class, or gym floor...You can do it...Just remember, take care of yourself FIRST regardless of how pulled you feel to take care of everyone else first. You will only be able to truly take care of them if you are healthy & whole. Best of luck to you...and if you're looking for blog reading, I invite you to check mine out...it's called "From Cupcakes to Kale" and there are few things that would thrill me more than to be able to inspire you the way that you inspired me!! Good luck, and WELCOME BACK!!!

Ashley said...

What a gorgeous little sweetie and such a perfect name!

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. I've not been in your boat with post partum stuff since I don't have a baby yet, but I just want to say that I'm here cheering you on all the way!

Adrienne said...

She is beautiful!! Congratulations. I weighed 244 after my last son, which is when I sometime after that began this weight loss journey (he was 2-3 months old I think). No one is judging you my friend! not about your weight, your not being able to BF, none of it. We have all been where you are!
Don't force the switch. Seriously you will flip it again, when you are ready, and you will know when you are. There is no rush! Enjoy your family, read blogs like you said, but just focus on you and your baby & husband.
I also had the baby blues pretty bad with both boys. It's totally normal. I think we make it worse by making ourselves feel guilty for gaining weight (I know I did) but don't worry about that. When the time is right, you will be ready to lose again!
I am almost 31 weeks and you know how weight comes on at this stage...fun stuff! ;-) Glad you are back!

Leanne said...

Isla is BEAUTIFUL! Congratulations. :-)

I hate that women feel the need to apologize for nor breastfeeding. I say to each their own and if it is not the choice you want to make, good for you. And if it is a choice you tried and just didn't work, good for you for not torturing yourself.

Get the postpartum under control and then worry about getting back into shape. Take care of you and baby Isla the best you can!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful baby girl!!! Congrats:) I was just thining about your blog tonight..well last night on my walk. How I'm almost to 10 pounds down and was going to do the "Shoes to lose" thing!! You made such an impact on me!! Just wanted to let you know that and that I'm parying for you and your family! You have done it once so you have the proof that you CAN do it again! Many hugs and sooo happy to see you blogging again. I hope today is a great day for YOU!


Jen said...

Welcome back, darling! I'm glad to see you back and posting! Your little girl is beautiful. No one is going to judge you for gaining weight during a difficult pregnancy, or struggling during a bout of postpartum.

My suggestion would be to look for little things you could do with the baby. Maybe walks around the block with a stroller? Take baby steps toward your switch.

Celeste said...

HEY! I've missed you! First...Isla is ADORABLE!!! You make a dang cute baby!
Second...breastfeeding isn't for everyone. Trust me - I did the same thing. It's hard and frustrating for some. And anyone who tells you different - give em the bird!!
Third...postpartum is hard. Get some pills - asap! I got it really hard after my last baby (almost 6 years ago) and still take meds. No shame in that. Having a new bebe is a lot of stress. I think it's cool that you are still able to work and be home. I would love a gig like that!
Fourth...weight with a baby is totally expected. I envy those crazy skinny bee-otchs that can wear their pre-pregnancy jeans home from the hospital. It's easy to get discouraged. Slow and steady is what worked for you before, so I guess my only advice is that expect the same for this go-around. Hell, I've been trying for like 8 years (not very hard). You'll rock it when you're ready. Figure out yourself first, get into a rhythm with your new little family and concentrate on getting yourself happy - then work on what you can control with everything else.
I sure love ya! Hang in and if you ever need help or anyone to talk to, let me know. I'll even babysit so you can go to the gym! :) (only if you let me take pictures of her while you're gone - I got some great new props...he he he he)

Anyway, serious - keep smiling and sharing on this here blog--I still read it!

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