Back in the game!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Why is it that when we're feeling down we don't do the one thing that will make us feel better?

I just got back from a bike ride with the husband and it is just what my spirits needed. The weather was a perfect 65 degrees and the sunset was beautiful. It was the type of scene summer love movies are made of.
Just what my soul needed!

Hitting the Reset Button

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I'm not proud of this last week. I've mad bad decisions and I've made them on purpose. I've eaten way past the point of being full and I've ignored the voice of reason telling me that I should take it easy.

This last week has been a rough week, even on the day to day stuff. A new position has me stressed at work and the free food that is all over my office has been tempting. Some persistent health issues haven't helped either. But this time is different than all the times before. I know that I can control what I put in my body. I can't control what goes on around me, but I can control how I chose to react to it and this week I've let myself down.

I'm pushing the reset button. I'm going to stick to the plan. I'm not going to go over my calories, I'm going to work out at least five times this next week and I'm not going to have soda unless it is the weekend. I'm going to care, and not just think "I shouldn't be eating this" as I put it into my mouth.

I know how to do this. I've been doing it for the last 8 months and I'm going to continue doing it.

Are you with me? Are you going to hit your reset button and fully commit again?

Something Strange is Afoot

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I've never felt more out of control on this journey, or more like I don't really care. The fact that I'm even noticing this shows me that I care but lately I've just been holding on to the bandwagon for dear life.

I ate as planned yesterday until about 8 o'clock. I went and worked out and after I came back I ate a yogurt, a skinny cow ice cream bar dipped in PB2 (which, by the way, is quite delicious)...and then a second ice cream bar. I was never satisfied.

The scale has also been doing some strange things. It appears that I've gained nearly 4 lbs in the past half week. I've not been eating my best, but I've certainly not been eating 4 lbs gained worth. I think my body may just be adjusting after the end of the competition. Maybe my subconscious is giving it a break that I wasn't made aware of.

Maybe it is healthy for my body to take a break from all the losing and this is its way of telling me that?

I've had a constant headache for about 3 weeks now and I think it could be due to a medication that I've been taking. I stopped taking it a few days ago to see if that was the reason but its still here.

Either way, I'm not giving up. Maybe I'll take a week and just eat the number of calories needed to maintain my weight to give my body a break. But this weight will come off. I won't give up until I've reached a healthy BMI.

In a funk

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hey friends! Sorry for my absence this past little bit. I've been feeling a little drained. There is something about going from not caring at all about what goes in and out of your body to obsessing about it all the time that is just exhausting. I've not worked out since last Thursday. I have not logged a complete day of calories in over a week. As you all know, I haven't blogged in a week. I haven't even stuck to my "no diet soda except for the weekends policy." Don't get me wrong. I haven't given up. I've simply taken a break from all the measuring.

In spite of my slacking off at all of these things, the scale was exceptionally nice on Saturday with a loss of 4.4 lbs. (PS. This is really shocking to me. I have no idea why I continue to lose quite a bit of weight week after week. I expected it to slow down by now. But hey, I'll take what I can get.)

Today however, I was a bottomless pit! I simply could never feel satisfied. I had some fruit and cottage cheese for breakfast. Then I went back for an apple and some PB2 followed by a 100 calorie bag of kettle corn. 30 minutes later I heated my lean cuisine in hopes I would finally stop feeling hungry.

I don't know exactly what was was happening. I asked myself several times what I was feeling but my witty, but ever-so-useless inner voice replied "I'm feeling hungry." So, I listened to what I was craving and tried to find something to eat that wouldn't throw off my whole day.

Do you get into these funks? Are there days where you can just tell that your umph isn't there? How do you get back into your groove?

Totally NUDE...pumps

Monday, August 16, 2010

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend! Mine was mostly spent cleaning my apartment, although I did manage to sneak in a Jack Johnson concert, Shoe Shopping, Seeing "Eat, Pray, Love", floating down the provo river on an inflatable tube, and a lunch with Matt's extended family.

So with no further ado-

I've been wanting some nude pumps for quite some time but haven't been able to find just the right pair. (I've secretly been coveting a pair of Christian Louboutin's that I'm sure didn't make it any easier) This Saturday I wandered into the clearance section of DSW and there they were...on clearance none the less!

I wore them out Saturday and they don't like me as much as I like them. It will be a while again until my feet are ok to wear them, but I can look at them as much as I'd like.

What are your methods for breaking in your shoes?

On the healthiness front, things are going well. My eating has stayed on track but I haven't worked out in several days. I'll get on that tomorrow!

Size 8!!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

No, its certainly not my pant size, or even my shoe size, but it is my ring size! This probably isn't a big deal to most of you because I know a lot of people who's fingers aren't as affected by weight as mine are. My original engagement ring was a size 10.5. Its beautiful but always a little embarrassing when other girls would ask to try it on and it was huge on their fingers.

This is what my wedding set looks like. Photo by Laurie Terry Photography.

When my Matt and I were engaged we went to a bridal show and there was a drawing at the end for several prices offered by different wedding industries. They were choosing the winners by asking for different traits in the brides. There was a prize given for the youngest bride, the oldest bride, the bride who's wedding was the furthest away, and the bride who's weeding was the closest. Then they asked for the bride with the biggest ring size. I knew my ring was big but I didn't realize how big it was. I raised my hand and shouted out a boisterous "Ten and a half!" Dead silence. Then I heard someone a bit behind me say, "Really?"

Well, size 10.5 no more. My rings have been getting bigger and bigger on me since I started losing weight. A few months ago I had to go get a ring snuggie to stop my ring from falling off. It lasted a while but then I started getting really nervous to wear my ring because it would fall off so easily. I can get my rings resized, but it weakens the ring each time they do it, and it costs money each time so I've decided to wait until I get to goal weight to have this done.

Instead, I decided to buy a titanium ring because they're cheap and they won't turn my finger green. I ordered it in a size 8 and then began stressing that it wasn't going to fit. My new ring got here Thursday and it fits! I've lost 2.5 ring sizes. That is a Non-Scale Victory if I've ever heard one! Btw, I got the ring pictured above here.

As for my actual scale victory, I lost 3.3 lbs this week making it an even 90 pounds lost! You all know what that means!...New Shoes! Check back later to see my newest pair.

Have you seen this?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Earlier today I posted about my savory cravings and was later shown this video by one of my co-workers. The woman in this video is angry because she ordered McNuggets at a drive-thru and they told her they couldn't give them to her because they were serving breakfast. Wackiness and jail time ensue. (You can skip the first minute.)

I have to say that I've very grateful that I've never had craving THAT strong.

Sweet or Savory

Sweets have never been my weakness. They are good and yes I do indulge in them every so often, but they aren't the foods that I find myself craving all the time. I could easily give up cake and cookies without feeling too bad about it.

However, tempt me with a cheese burger, pizza, or a taco and I'm a gonner. I love actual food. Something thick, meaty, salty....something that will fill me up.

Here is the problem: I can easily satisfy a sweet tooth with skinny cow ice cream or a jello pudding snack. I cannot find a satisfying savory snack. The other night I had a knock down drag out fight with myself and nearly ended up in the taco bell drive thru for a crunchy beef taco al fresco. It would have only been 150 calories, but none of them would have been good for me.

So, what are your go to snacks for your savory cravings?

Weigh-in and Recap

Monday, August 9, 2010

Mondays are so hard after a great weekend! Mine was indeed a wonderful weekend so lets get down to talking about it.

I've wanted a bike for months! I work in an office building surrounded by bike trails so I see bikers all day long. They look like they actually enjoy exercising. I want to enjoy therefore I need a bike ;). Matt and I have been looking for bikes for a while but never really decided on any. The apartment had been straightened up when I got home and while walking back to the bathroom Matt informed me that he even cleaned our bedroom. Because I was curious to see what he had done with all of my clothes piles I opened the door. A BIKE! Matt bought me a bike! (Have I mentioned before that I'm lucky? I think I have but I'll go ahead and stick another one in just to be safe. I'm the luckiest girl ever!)

After adjusting my helmet and practically riding it out of our bedroom I informed Matt that we needed to go shopping. I'm not going to ride therefore he needs a bike ;). We spent the evening adjusting things and going for a long bike ride. SO much fun to get out of the gym and freely go wherever I wanted to.

Saturday started off at the bank, setting up new accounts so that we can ditch our old bank. Sorry Wells Fargo. After that I met up with a friend from work and we went up to the farmers market where I got some roasted garlic bread, pistachio pesto, and fresh gruyere cheese. We also picked up a new wedding ring for Matt since his no longer stays on his finger and they just don't make ring snuggies wide enough for men's ring.s

After the farmers market we went to my neice's birthday party. I can't believe that she is three! She was just a baby when I met her! I had to leave early to meet my sister. We rode out to Wendover to see Pat Benatar live in concert.

The concert was really amazing. She still sounds just like she did it the 80's. You never would have guessed that she's 57 years old.

Sunday was spent with one of my best friends and fellow bloggers LaraLee. You can find her at Lardy No More. You should definitely check her out! She lives several hours from me and we haven't seen each other in years but have stayed close. She is also a very talented photographer and offered to do some pictures of Matt and I. Here are some of her beautiful photos:

After our little family photo shoot was over we went to The Red Iguana for dinner. I had a cream cheese chicken enchilada covered in mole sauce. It was so amazing! I probably wouldn't feel too bad about eating all of it if I hadn't eaten my weight in chips and salsa before it even came to the table.

LaraLee and I outside of The Red Iguana.

It was such a great day. I truly am so blessed to have wonderful friends that know exactly what I'm going through trying to lose weight. I have such an amazing support team!

Oh..I forgot to mention, I lost 1.1 lbs and that means I'M OFFICIALLY UNDER 200 lbs! Never again will I see them again. (unless of course I'm pregnant with sextuplets...and lets all cross our fingers that doesn't happen)


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I used to think the mind games that I play on myself would go away the more weight I lost. I've noticed quite the opposite effect. I'm feeling better about myself now. I look much better. For the first time ever I was tagged in a facebook photo and didn't cringe as soon as I read about it.

However, I'm getting to the point where I'm a bit reluctant to admit to people how much I've lost. Yes, it does show that I'm working hard and have come a far way. But now I'm embarrassed that I'm not smaller than I am having lost 85 lbs. I feel ashamed that I let myself go that far.

Do any of you feel this way? Do you tell people how much weight you've lost? Do people ask you for numbers or just compliment that you're looking well?

Things are still going well as far as eating and exercising. I'm still determined to get this weight off and I know I can do it. I've come so far and if I want to be a smaller size, I have to work for it. I'm not a success story yet, but one day I will be.

Wrong Fit Jeans

Monday, August 2, 2010

Have you ever tried the right fit jeans? They are a brand of jeans available at Lane Bryant, FashionBug, and Cathrines. I had my first experience with these last weekend and I'm still thinking about it. There is supposed to be a fit for every different shape, Straight, Moderately Curvy, and Curvy. When I saw these I thought it was a great idea since us girls are certainly not all shaped alike.

I am currently wearing a 16/18 but the jeans looked a little small so I grabbed a size 20, to avoid any dressing room meltdowns, and since I didn't know if I was a yellow, red, or blue, I took one of each.

First I tried on the red- moderately curvy pair. They fit alright around the middle but had a little extra material in the hip. Certainly not the place us larger women want extra material.
Next I tried the blue- Curvy pair. The waist was a little roomy but I expected that since they were a size or two too big. These had A TON of room in the hips. I almost wish that I would have taken a picture of me wearing these because it was really quite comical.

At this point I'm thinking the yellow- straight pair are definitely going to be the jeans for me. I go to put them on, and as I'm pulling up them up around my theighs, I notice that they are much tighter than the previous pair. MUCH tighter. I get them up and around my waist, suck in, and squeeze the sides together to button them up. No way would this look ever be acceptable in public unless I was trying to make an apperance on people of walmart. The fit on the leg was good but the waist was really not going to happen.
Frustrated, I took all three pair of jeans out of the dressing room and back to the shelf where I was met by an enthusiastic store employee.

"How did you like our right fit jeans?!" She asked.

To which I replied. "I didn't."

She continued to tell me that with the yellow ones you usually have to go up two or three sizes to get the right fit that they promise.

Now, in months past I've criticized women who wear clothing that is seriously too small for them, thinking that it must be that they are too scared to go up a size and have it actually look right on them. However, at this point. I could at least sympathize with them. I've worked really hard to get to the size I'm in right now and like hell am I going to buy another size 24.

I told the associate that and she said she understood and that I was not the first person to mention that to her. So why would a store that specializes in plus size clothing not understand the problem and size their jeans accordingly? I'm shocked that the business model of making women feel bad about themselves is effective.

I left the store that day without any jeans only to find an excellent pair of size 16 Calvin Klein jeans at my local Ross that happen to have the "right fit."

Have any of you tried the right fit jeans? Where do you buy your jeans? Do you refuse to go up in size?

THREE Brownies

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Yep, thats right. I ate three brownies on Saturday. Along with some cheese curd, bacon, BBQ chicken, potato salad, and some miracle concoction of Fritos, peanut butter, and M&M's. I had a few other things but that is my confession of food sins.

I am a little angry about my lack of self control with the sweets, but in all honesty, I know that last year, that list would have been SO much longer. I also ate quite a few steamed veggies and fruit. My moment of shame was the third brownie. They were made with zucchini which I think caused some momentary insanity and allowed me to think they were somewhat good for me. Oh boy brownies are my kryptonite.

Regardless of my lack of self control, the scale was pretty darn nice this morning and showed a loss of 4 lbs. I didn't quite reach my goal of being below 200 by the end of July, but if this is what I get, I'll certainly take it. I'll for sure have it down by next week.

I also wanted to apologize for my lack of cooking something new last week. I realized it was only my second week on this challenge and I've already not done it. I WILL do it this week. Last week was much busier and many evenings I had to chose whether to cook something new or to work out and working out always won.

My goals for this week are 2.5 hours of cardio, 2 sessions with my kettlebell, and to make something new.