Focusing on Failures

Monday, June 28, 2010

Some days this journey is so hard. I have hesitated writing this post because I like for my blog to show the positive side of this fight, to give you energy to keep fighting. But only posting on days when I was feeling great would be a lie.

I struggle. I cry. I feel like a failure.

There are times when I can't stay on the elliptical any longer because the only thing I can feel is the jiggle of my backside as I move.

There are times when my thoughts are so mean. Hating myself for not having more control, for not making better choices. For eating things just because they are in front of me.

Some days I can't look in the mirror because I still see 286 lb SherRon. I say to myself, "You've lost 70 lbs and you're STILL this fat!"

Today is one of those days.

I've eaten on track and I made it to they gym tonight even though I didn't stay long. But the fight today has been hard. The inner thoughts that I'm not worth it.

I'm not posting this because I want your pity. I'm posting this so that you know if you have struggles, you aren't alone. We all have bad days. Tomorrow is a new day.


spotlessmind said...

Dude - you stayed on track and went to the gym. That is a MASSIVE success. I've been eating clean for a few weeks and ate mini-burgers and ice cream tonight. I just spent about an hour in the washroom. :P

I think you're awesome. I'm not pitying you - I think you're amazing for making yourself stick to plan despite how defeated you felt. That is phenomenal.

Viridiana said...

You're amazing. Thank you for posting that. I have felt that way so many times and not done anything about it. I end up not working out and just sitting at home eating. That gives me a little more motivation on what I can do from now Dory says, "just keep swimming" :)

Lara Lee said...

Sad to say I'm actually happy you posted this one. All this time i've watched your successes and It felt like it was easy for you. Like i know you work hard but like... it was working for you. It made me frustrated that i'd feel this way and then you'd seem so upbeat. thanks for letting me know you are just like me...Human. And You did better than i could though I ate icecream tonight because I felt like this. Maybe its monday syndrome? anyways thanks for being such a support to me!

Skye said...

Thank you SherRon. I hate that you are struggling, but I really needed to hear that I'm not the only one going through this.

((((( BIG HUGS )))))

Miz said...

in all facets of my life when some one is GENEROUS ENOUGH to open their heart and share so that I know Im not alone/my feelings are NORMALIZED there are no words for my appreciation.

I hope today is a better day.


dawne said...

So true! We have all felt these feelings. I believe they are part of the journey, part of the cycle of obesity. It's the choice to stick with healthy eating through these days that breaks the cycle. Forgive yourself for a bad day, choose a better choice the next time and the next time and eventually, it will feel easy again. HUGS from Canada!

Amber said...

Omg, don't be so hard on yourself sweetie. I have lost a lot of weight myself, and still have soo far to go, which always makes me think "So how far was I really?" and everytime I do, I disgust myself with the thought. But then you have to think "Yeah but I had the will to lose all of that, and I am most definitely going to continue because I like what I see so far". You should try and think this way.. And not to mention all those shoes!!!

And that's also why we're all here, blogging about our ups and downs. Blogging is not about covering things up! I bet you you and those around you are very impressed with your loss so far. And if you feel like crying or need comfort, turn to them because I am sure they're there and they're ready for you. <3

Amber said...

"How fat was I really" is what i meant, i mistyped "how far" haha

Just Jay said...

I really appreciate this post. It was something I needed to hear . .er . . read . . . Hope your day is going better today!

murphy's law said...

As everyone here has already said, it is nice to see that you struggle. It validates the rest of us who wonder "why is it so easy for everyone else?"
You are looking amazing and you have inspired me to get my fat ass working out, and that is simply amazing in its self.
Keep it up girl, and thanks for the post.

Lindsay said...

I LOVED this post, not that your struggling but that your honest, open and put it out there. Great post. Keep up the good work :)

MrsFatass said...

Of course you're not asking for pity. You're being honest. This shit ain't easy - if it were, we'd all be skinny. So, I'm glad you wrote this. It's a good step toward working your way THROUGH this. And you can DO this.

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